


if you're wondering if i want you to, i want you to

by Duck_Life



Category: X-Force (Comics)
Genre: First Kiss, Gringrave Referenced, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, discussions of consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 19:40:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16225958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duck_Life/pseuds/Duck_Life
Summary: Julio and Shatterstar share their first kiss on a dry, hot night in Arizona.





	if you're wondering if i want you to, i want you to

“Hey,” Julio says, staring up at the expanse of stars above them because it’s easier than looking at Shatterstar. “Was that your first kiss?”

They like to spend time together like this, perched on the big smooth stones outside Camp Verde after everyone else has gone to bed. They do it most nights, but this is the first time Julio’s actually had the courage to kiss him. 

“No, it was not,” Shatterstar says, but he looks conflicted. Instead of hanging his legs over the side of the rock like Julio, he’s curled his legs under him, almost in lotus position. “I have been—  _ kissed _ — before, but… never like this.”

Julio feels his face heat up, distracts himself from ’Star by looking at  _ the _ stars. There’s so many out here, scattered across the sky like grains of salt. More than in New York and Guadalajara. “You mean never by a guy?” he says quietly. 

“Not exactly,” Shatterstar says, then backtracks. “I mean, yes, I have never been kissed by another male before, but that’s not… You must understand where I come from. On Mojoworld, everything is televised. Everything I did was being viewed by the audience, interpreted. When… when the woman who first kissed me did it, it was because the crowd wanted it.  _ Give them what they want by convincing them you want it too _ .”

Julio finally pushes himself up to look at Shatterstar. His eyes seem far away, and his long hair ruffles slightly in the breeze. “It was like an act,” he guesses, thinking about kissing Rahne, kissing Tabby. “You made it look like you wanted it, but…”

“I did not want it,” Shatterstar says quietly, and Julio digs his fingernails into his own palm, imagines how good it would feel to shake Mojoworld into a pile of rubble. “I… had never  _ wanted _ to. Until now.” He turns then and looks at him, and Julio feels his breath catch in his chest. “And now I want to again.” 

Julio’s head feels like it’s full of static, and he opens his mouth to say,  _ Then do it _ , but he doesn’t get a chance. Shatterstar’s lips catch his, so soft, softer than Julio had imagined them. And he had spent plenty of time imagining them before tonight. 

’Star doesn’t kiss like he fights. He’s slow and gentle, and careful, until Julio bites down slightly on his lip. Shatterstar makes a surprised, but not unhappy, noise and moves his hands up into Julio’s hair, pressing into his mouth with more force. If someone had approached Julio a year ago and told him he’d be making out with a space-traveling, time-traveling gladiator in the driest part of Arizona one night, he never would have believed them. 

He never would have believed his good fortune. 

“It is better with you,” Shatterstar says quietly when they part. “Feels good. Not like… before, with others.”

“It’s s’posed to feel good,” Julio says, reaching up carefully and threading his fingers through Shatterstar’s hair. It’s so wavy and impossibly soft, and he suspects suddenly that ’Star uses Terry’s shampoo. “It’s always s’posed to feel good. If it doesn’t… if someone is touching you and you don’t like it, don’t want it, you should tell them. You should say no, push them away. You’re allowed to do that.” Shatterstar stares at him, looking bewildered and beautiful. “Even if it’s me, okay? I won’t get mad.” 

Shatterstar stares down at his own hands. Finally he says, “Really?” and just about breaks Julio’s heart. 

“Yes, really,” he promises. “No one gets to touch you without your permission.” He thinks about all the people in Shatterstar’s past who must have told him that his body was their property, that he got no say in what was done to him, who touched him, who kissed him. 

“Julio,” Shatterstar says. “Do  _ you _ want me to touch you?”

He lets out a shaky laugh. “Yeah, like, all the time, dude,” he says, taking Shatterstar’s hand in his. “Don’t worry. I’ll tell you if you ever do something I don’t like. And you do the same,  _ comprende _ ?”

Shatterstar nods. “Then… may I kiss you again?”

Julio smiles, tugging ’Star closer. He crushes his lips against Shatterstar’s and they dive right back into it. 


End file.
